ISLAMABAD — In a turn of events that left absolutely nobody surprised, Pakistan's three-time Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif made a triumphant return to Islamabad this week, brushing off his years-long "self-imposed exile" as merely "an extended, really chill vacation." The former PM stepped off his private jet wearing touristy t-shirts, several straw hats, and an unconvincing tan, insisting he'd simply been "catching up on some much-needed R&R."

"It was never an 'exile,'" Sharif declared amidst a fanfare of reporters. "Just a leisurely jaunt. A little break. Everyone needs one after serving three non-consecutive terms, am I right?"

Locals were quick to note that Sharif's return coincided suspiciously with the grand opening of Islamabad's newest 5-star resort and spa. "Coincidence? I think not," whispered local shopkeeper Irfan Malik, wagging a knowing finger.

An unnamed source close to the Sharif family revealed that the former leader had initially struggled to pick a postcard for Pakistan while lounging around in his various luxury villas overseas. "He had one that read, 'Wish you were here! But not really,'" the source confided. "But in the end, he just sent a gift basket of assorted chocolates."

Pakistan's political circles are abuzz with speculation about Sharif's next moves. "I've heard he's starting a travel vlog," commented one junior minister. "Imagine – 'Nawaz's Nifty Getaways.' I'd subscribe."

Meanwhile, a certain faction of the public remains skeptical. "He's just here for the resort's introductory discount," claimed local conspiracy theorist Bashir Ahmed. "And rumor has it they've got a fantastic biryani."

To the joy of tabloids everywhere, Sharif's welcome party included a special musical number by local boy bands, fireworks that spelled out "I'M BAAACK," and a parade of camels donning party hats.

"Whether it's politics or just another pit-stop on his global staycation, one thing's for sure," remarked political analyst Aisha Raza, "Sharif knows how to make an entrance."

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