ABUL, AFGHANISTAN – In a landmark move signaling their commitment to modernization, the Taliban announced a revolutionary update to the women's dress code. "Starting today, the eye slit on all burqas will be 10% wider, offering Afghan women an almost panoramic view of the world," declared a high-ranking Taliban official at a press conference Tuesday.

"The decision comes after extensive consultations with our progressive and forward-thinking council," continued the official. "Our studies indicated that with a slightly wider slit, Afghan women could better identify obstacles on their path, be it a goat, a pothole, or their hopes and dreams."

International observers were caught off guard by this unexpected pivot to modernity. Sarah Whitman, a western analyst on women's rights, commented, "Well, it's not the leap forward we were hoping for, but I guess it's a... peep forward?"

Meanwhile, reports from local textile markets indicate a mad rush among Afghan women trying to get their hands on the latest burqa design. "Sales have never been better," exclaimed one local vendor. "Plus, women are now 10% less likely to run into things. It's a win-win!"

In addition to the increased eye visibility, other proposed modernizations include a pocket for a small, not-too-smart phone and an in-built pouch for carrying tiny pieces of paper – perfect for grocery lists or surreptitiously passed messages of resistance.

On the streets, reactions were mixed. One local woman shared her excitement: "I saw a cloud today for the first time in years. It's the little things, you know?" Another was more skeptical: "10% more visibility, 100% the same oppression."

A second press conference is expected later this week, where the Taliban plans to announce further "modern" reforms, such as allowing women to choose the color of their ankle chains and introducing WiFi zones – restricted to websites from the 7th century.

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